I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the things that don't change; when everybody else does.
Wednesday already. Been a crying evening but that's ok. Tomorrow is a new day.
Positive: Jared and I had a really good talk about his future goals and plans and hug school. He even said don't worry I don't plan on dropping out of high school. So I'm glad about that. He said he still doesn't like school but he's going so I'm happy with that.
Went to the day care started my observations and documentation so that's good.
Cleared off my camera and phone so saved all my pictures Etc and deleted what I needed too. Picked up tams kids from the school today but only really watched them for 5 mins. Winter maybe different and I don't mind
Actually talked to Erica today at the daycare got caught up on her family drama well Steve and Katherine's. lol. She said she doesn't see or talk to anyone just Ryan. I told her to be careful with that tho because that's how I was happy with Matt the kids and I. And now look at me alone. Which isn't a bad thing but just needs to realize what happens. But she's in a different position cause they just bought a house so there pretty confident in moving forward lol. I am it's just Matt who's not even wanting a friendship lol He still hasn't disclosed anything about who what why of anything. Just that he still won't see me even for coffee. I wish I could be like him. Not care, not be bothered by any of it. I think about Him al the time and i am completely broken hearted yet again. I knew better then to ever care because here I end up heart broken and he doesn't even think or care. One good thing about the stress of it apparently I'm losing weight since I was at the daycare so I'm ok with that.Strange week. Sherie msged me out of the blue chatting like nothing has happened?! Really?! And Mel lol been a mind blowing week for odd msgs. Of course never from who you want Still no osap. Not doing so well as I'm on the complete end of my savings so that should be interesting although I'm really debating of on a trip. So booking classes Matt doesn't want to see me in town for a coffee fairly certain were no longer invited to the trailer and that was only my detox time. Tristan and Jared leave for 10 days dec 28 plus I'm done school April 17. Matt doesn't want any money for the trailer (which now the truth has surfaced). I won't rent a cottage or anything up on the island as much as I love it and the people that's Matt's place and even tho he thinks of me as shit I wouldn't
I don’t care how messed up this whole world is. But in the middle of all the mess and all the chaos that surrounds me all l need is to be loved to the core. I just need that special someone in my life whom I can call my own and love him with all that I have. In the middle of the maddening crowds of people all around me I just need to make my own little paradise. A place where there is just love and peace. I don’t care how dark the world outside my paradise is I just want to illuminate my life with the bright light of love. I don’t care how mad this whole world is, I just want someone who can love me madly…
I don’t have the stunning eyes that make you want to stare deep into them and wonder about their color. My body is has some scars from the times I fell on my knees as a kid or climbed over things scraping my skin. I am not even a skinny hot girl who takes breaths away, stopping people in their tracks. Sometimes my hair doesn’t look the best; they can be just a plain mess that’s unfixable for the day. Really what makes me up is flaw after flaw. But neither do I think I could handle being perfect in every way or even just in one way because the price of living life the way I do is imperfection and I’m okay with that because I get to live the life I wantTook a sleeping pill going to try to sleep a few hours hate crying at night next day looks like I've been punched repeatedly lol but that's how I feel so appropriate I guess. One day I will matter. Thank heavens for my children or who knows where'd I be.
